It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single (or taken) man in possession of a large (medium sized or small) penis must be in want of a shag.
Yes, this is far more 2013 and sadly more realistic than Jane Austen’s take on love.
How the hell have we got here?
What happened to courting? Even to dating? We now seem to miss steps one, two and three and jump straight into the sack with men that we shouldn’t, men that couldn’t and men that we wish we hadn’t.
It’s sad that most relationships begin with a one night stand that turns into regular, casual sex. That casual sex then becomes familiar, better and increasingly more regular. What was a physical relationship then develops fondness which turns to genuine, mutual liking and then finally love. BAM before you know it, six years have passed, you have a ring on your finger and two kids with your nose and his eyes.
I would love to know what happened to dating, to conscientious decision- making and to sex after dinner rather than a drunken night. Did we get lost at some point along the way or with our high speed Internet, rapid travel and fast food- do we just want everything in life to take half the time and effort than it did before? However we got here, I vote that it is a tragedy.
I’m sure men would vote that it’s progress, real progress. They can forgo the twelve red roses, three dinners and a cinema date. They can rush their way through a poor attempt at foreplay. Hurrying to the finish line until the deed is done. Game over.
It’s not so simple for us ladies, we still have to put the preparation effort in. We have to preen ourselves before the game begins. Fake tanning, endless body waxing, nail panting, eyebrow plucking, hair dying…the list goes on. The guy in question is damned if he doesn’t get even just five minutes worth of a pre-sex blow job. Even if he has made a slap dash attempt at turning us on and returning the favour. It is us girls that are losing out. The guy gets what he wants at unprecedented speed whilst we lose the dinners, the dances, the dates.
What happened to kissing? Being dropped off outside the door and receiving a cheeky good night peck? And that being it? When did enough become not enough? When did manners and patience become frigidity?
In 2013 if you’re getting a taxi back with a guy then all parties know what is most likely on the cards. It is clear that a naughty snog is the pre dinner bread, fumbling and touching is the starter and the dirty deed the main course. What happened to dessert you ask? Ah the best bloody part of the whole goddamn meal. I suppose that would be the cuddling. In a relationship you are allowed your dessert, the woman’s reward for her commitment, loyalty and sex on tap. On a one night stand? The dessert is non existent. Too much effort. Besides, it’s still the early stages and does the woman need an unnecessary helping of affection? That unnecessary tiramisu or strawberry cheesecake? Her intimacy is bad for him. Her adding a few pounds because of her sweet tooth is also bad for him. So it goes forgotten.
Added to the list of things that just don’t happen anymore. Horse and cart, cassette tapes, VHS and kissing. Archaic. The stuff of mere myths and legend.
Come on ladies lets work on this. I’m all for feminism, choice and great sex but who doesn’t love a good cuddle, a warm spooning session and a three course meal heaped with calories once in a while?