The big SEX and the “C” word

Is it me or is everyone at it?!? When I say everyone, I mean everyone.

It’s only occurring to me now, because I haven’t been getting any. (In fact, it’s been far too long for a twenty one year old girl to own up to.) I am getting cravings to rival a man’s!

Now, before you read on I am not saying that I am passed it and over sex but…I think I’ve grown up a little. Let me explain….

Sunday September 8th. Post hangover lunch with some of my closest friends. Aside from discussing the night before, our delicate stomachs and sleep deprivation, the topic of conversation turned to sex. Oh Goody!

One of my friends started to rant about how she had started sleeping with her ex again.

“It’s messing with my head- I thought that I could do casual but it’s not so easy with an ex of three years! Although, you wouldn’t believe how much more we’re having and how much better it is post break-up!”

Then, like vultures we all jumped on this piece of information, offering any words of wisdom we had at hand.

My second friend then began her confessions.

“Okay, so it’s been three weeks…and four guys. That is bad isn’t it?!”

Emphatically we told her no. She had just broken up with her cheating scumbag of a boyfriend and was most certainly on the rebound.

My third friend spoke up next. She had been a virgin for the longest of us all and since (fairly recently) losing it had gone erm….a little wild.

“Anything is hard, when it’s different- people don’t like change.”

She said sympathetically to my other two friends.

“I mean, I am not the same person I was a year ago. I never would have imagined that I would be having so much casual sex but I love it, it’s liberating!”

She grinned.

The three of them turned expectantly to me. Then, it hit me. I had very little nothing to contribute myself.

“Err, I haven’t had sex, for faaaar too long.”

I told them. I then faced an interrogation as to how long I was talking and why I had taken this sudden oath of chastity.

“A couple of months”

I said sheepishly. I lied.

What has happened to me? Am I still interested in finding someone? Yes. Do I enjoy dating? Yes. Do I like having sex? Yes.

Where was it all going wrong?

That brings me to the “C” word. I apologise if you feel that I have betrayed you as the only reason you’re reading this post is to enter a discussion about dirty talking or to hear me utter what has been coined as “the worst swear word.” But I am not going to. I’m talking about another “C”word. Casual. I don’t do casual anymore.


Can we just keep our jeans/tights on and cuddle?

I do not claim chastity and high principles all of a sudden and by no means do I judge my friends who indulge in casual sex but…I’m over it.

I’ve had a couple of one night stands- in fact, I lost my virginity during one- and now, (quite happily) my one night stand career is over.

I just don’t get it. To me, one night stands are a series of awkward moments strung back to back with one another. WHY DO WE PUT OURSELVES THROUGH THIS?

1) Where is the joy in investing time into a guy, going back to his, sacrificing precious sleep only for him to remove his boxers and for you to discover that your thumb has more to offer? In a relationship- you know what’s coming.

2) Where is the joy in awkwardly- and I mean awkwardly– having to deal with his less than enthused man friend? One night stands happen drunkenly after nights out (unless you are an absolute pro) and we all know what booze does to ye olde male performance. In a relationship- you have all different sorts of sex but, it’s mostly sober and with all the bits and pieces working and fitting. Not to mention that if when it does go wrong, in a relationship it’s much easier to laugh it off.

3) Where is the joy in hoping that what you are doing is working for him? With a one night stand you do not know his likes and dislikes or his soft spots so when you hear his moans you have to cross your fingers and toes that they are exclamations of pleasure and not pain or a “hurry up, I’m bored,” type noise. In a relationship- you know what does it for him.

4) Where is the joy, in quite frankly, having bad sex? He doesn’t know that you really love being touched in a certain place or that you hate the use of certain supposedly dirty words. You toy with giving him a lesson and an A-Z map of your body but figure that it will be a mood kill. By the end of the “sex” you wish you had. In a relationship- he knows what does it for you.

5) Where is the joy in waking up the following morning next to a guy that you could have sworn looked slightly different? Then proceeding to have a whole morning of endless awkwardness. Do we have morning sex? Does your breath really smell this bad, every morning? Do I shower? How long do I stay without leaving abruptly or over staying my welcome? How do we say goodbye- with words, a hug, a kiss? In a relationship- none of the above awkwardness applies.

6) Where is the joy in then spending the following days terrified of pregnancy until Mother Nature decides to make an appearance next month? Panicking that maybe you didn’t use a condom in the heat of the moment whilst in a drunken stupor. Praying that if you didn’t that a) you’re not pregnant and b) you haven’t caught an STD. Clinging onto the one hope that given the performance that you had to endure, it could easily have been his first time. In a relationship- you know the drill. You’re either happily trying for a baby, you know that neither of you are having casual sex with other people or you have a very reliable form of contraception on the go.

With all this in mind- I really don’t get it. What’s so great about casual sex? I can think of a load of “C” words that I would rather have- chocolate. coronation street and celibacy- if it’s the price I have to pay!


Chocolate: it’s like sex that you don’t have to shave your legs for.

9 thoughts on “The big SEX and the “C” word

      • I’m a six sigma black belt. In business improvement challenges we say “don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater”. The same principals may apply to sex as to business decisions. Identify what factors make casual sex awkward and/or bad and find solutions. You will need realistic measures, a brainstorm session to identify possible causes, hopefully leading you to a theory to test. Let me know if you need any statistical analyses. 😉

  1. I am very vocal about what i like in bed to the men i am sleeping with. So most of them know what to do when we are casually hooking up. If not, its always a new experience and its fun to figure out what you like. I just love the excitement of something new and different. I find it refreshing that different guys have different ways to approach sex. Maybe its because i haven’t had a bad experience yet…. ill let you know if i give up on casual sex after that haha!

  2. Girl, you’re 21 and I think every woman of this age decides upon a similar path-“no more one-night stands for me!”

    But, shit happens. To be more specific, shit sex happens and alcohol happens and attraction happens and I can only hope, that if you’re like most women who have ruled out casual sex but end up indulging in it ultimately anyways (not saying you will for sure, but I think this is the more likely of the two scenarios), you will hook up with a much better partner than what you have been exposed to previously. Because, relationship sex is great, but then it gets kind of boring…hookup sex can be hot, fast, exciting and downright titillating!!

    The best sexy times I have ever had have been with boyfriends and one-night stands alike. But, like they say, the grass is always greener on the other side! Best of luck!

    • Haha thank you! I’m not giving up willingly- I would have loved to report that I have great one night stand sex- but so far, I just haven’t! I might give it some time and then get back into it and see if my luck picks up! I am envious of your experience of it being exciting and new though! Thanks for reading! Xx

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