Penis photos….

Will somebody please explain this one to me?!? Aged 15 my boyfriend at the time sent me my first picture of his penis. It startled me a little- in a good way. I thought it was a little boyfriend-to-girlfriend treat…but then I grew up.

WHY do boys send them? Boys you’re in a relationship with. Boys you date. Boys you barely know.

Now, I don’t know about you- but I wouldn’t put ye olde willy up there as one of the seven wonders of the world. It’s not exactly beautiful now, is it? Unless I’m sleeping with you/in a relationship with you/feeling horny, you can almost guarantee that I would rather have a photo of a flower or food or- god forbid– your face!

I don’t send out photos of my lady bits- they’re private- so what on earth possesses you boys to publicise your private parts to all and sundry?!

Maybe it’s one of the great mysteries of the world.

I never know how to respond and, usually out of politeness, find myself reenacting this cracker of a song…

But let’s save the bullshit response, the shock, and in some cases, pure repulsion. If I fancy you, I want your man parts inside me- not on a photo plastered all over my phone screen. If I’m clearly not that interested don’t think that you will win me over with a penis photo, you won’t. A hairy ballsack and wonky cock won’t suddenly make me fall desperately in love with you and gagging for sex.

If you have a massive one, one that is sculptured to perfection or a particularly clean (all men should take note of this one, although sadly don’t!!) one- then I understand why you want to show it off. But why not save it for the real deal? Give me zero expectation and shock me with your beauty IN PERSON not via whatsapp.

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This all irritates me, but I kind of comprehend the logic. What baffles me is when you men spend a good half an hour trying to take the perfect photo. COME ON. When you get the lighting just right and angle your manhood in such a way so as to straighten your slightly curved penis and to give the impression of the additional inch or two. WHY? Do you not realise that you’re setting yourself up for failure and my disappointment when your smaller than expected friend makes an appearance?

Gentleman, save your time on the filthy pictures and persuade us into your arms/bed/boxers with your charming face instead. If it doesn’t work, call it a day at that. If you will easily send me photos of your southern parts then I know you are sending them to several girls at any one time. If I sense that, then trust me, my girlfriends will be getting a surprise preview of your pictures too as we scrutinise your private parts and try to work out WHY you feel the need to share.

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