Wee Willy Winky

“I know this may seem like an odd request, but can you refer to my manhood as ‘Robert’ during sex please? It’s my favourite boys name.”

With that the mood had been killed. I made my polite excuses and hurried off, never to see this man or his ‘Robert’ again!

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Another guy I briefly texted oh, who am I kidding? Sexted– insisted that I referred to his intimate part as his “willy” as it made it all feel “naughtier and sillier.” Despite this making him think that getting down and dirty with me was a silly thing, I obliged- it could have been worse (yes, I’m referring to you Mr. Robert!!)

But you see, the real issue with this all is that I don’t know where either I or men as a whole, stand on this whole naming malarkey! My ex told me that guys who give their body parts pet names made him “cringe.” Unless I referred to his as “Sir” or “The Gigantic Beast.” For his sake, I assumed he was joking and never uttered such terms.

A man I was dating- asked not only what my favourite film was, where I liked to go on holiday and why I had chosen to live in the city- but also enquired politely as to whether I called my lady parts anything special? The answer was ofcourse no. No I do not.

Maybe I am alone on this one, ladies? Perhaps this is something amazing that I’m missing out on…like a role play or fantasy that I could be creating with my “Jennifer” “madam” or “lady garden.” It makes me blush. It’s not right. No term for the male or female parts seems fitting…but if I had to choose I would be running with the biological terms. My vagina. Your penis.

I don’t care if it’s too impersonal, boring and unsexy…atleast nobody can complain about the scientific terms for their anatomy, surely?

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