People in their hundreds bustling and hurrying on their own personal missions. Bodies tightly packed against the carriage walls and against one another. Frowns; on everybody’s faces. The train jolts and everybody sways left then right and back again. The frowns deepen.
Despite all of this hurry and agitation, I catch your eye. One smiling face amongst a crowd of frowns. Our eyes linger for a second longer than they should. I look away. You’re cute.
I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the window. My hair tied back and fringe plastered to my face. I’m wearing a suit that makes me look more important than I am. I feel dirty, a little sweaty from the hot train carriage, from the bodies pressed against mine and from the hurried run I made to catch this train on time.
My cheeks are a little pink from all the fluster. My make up is slightly smudged and most has been removed by the hardship of my day. It’s safe to say I am not looking my best.
The train jolts again and as my body is thrown with everyone else’s to the right, I look at my new friend again. Once more our eyes meet.
He’s not my type, on paper. But he is conventionally good looking with a mischievous smile and piercing green eyes.
The train stops and our carriage empties. Still too full to have a seat but empty enough that I have my personal space. I continue to stand by this man. The vibe between is electric. One of those rare unspoken connections that you get with very few.
Again we reach a stop. He moves on his feet as we pull into the station. “Is this your stop?” I enquire. Mentally I kick myself for asking this. What was I doing?! He didn’t hear and removed his earphones. Again I wanted to kick myself. Why was I talking to somebody who had headphones on?! What if he just wanted to listen to The Killers and not be spoken to by a sweaty girl on the train? I couldn’t blame if that were the case.
For a second I toyed with saying something else. Nothing came to mind so I didn’t. “Is this your stop?” I asked again. Except, by now, I knew it wasn’t as the train was stationary and he hadn’t gotten off. “No, it’s not.” That’s all he said, but he beamed the most beautiful smile after he said it. I also noted that he didn’t replace his headphones. Was he hoping for a conversation to ensue? It didn’t.
As the train set off again, I moved a few steps away from him so that I could hold onto the pole. Our eyes caught a couple more times and we smiled sweetly at each other both times. I knew he felt it.
The train again came to stop. This was my stop. I wanted to stay on the train, I was so tempted to. But I didn’t. A girl never chases. If he wanted to talk to me so badly, he could have gotten off at my stop with me. He didn’t. So I stepped off the train, onto the platform and walked off without looking back.
I left you at Tottenham Court Road and went about my evening as if it were any other night. I wish you had followed me, I kind of wish I had stayed on or at the very least that I had sparked up a conversation with you. But no. I walked off. I walked away from the potential love of my life.