8 rules for great cybersex

Having a hiatus period in your sex life? Bored, horny and alone? Needing something, anything and desperate not to turn to your ex/current partner with whom you’re arguing/douche of a fuck buddy/*insert own*? Cyber sex is the perfect solution for you. Online, via text, on the phone- I’ve tried all three and like any other aspect of your sex life in the real world- you will meet the people who give you mind blowing orgasms, an alright but unremarkable experience and a crap never-to-be-repeated attempt. But it’s worth it.

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Here are my 8 rules to maximise the experience- follow these and hopefully you’ll be on your way to incredible sex in the virtual world.

1) BOLDNESS.

You’re anonymous. What is sexier than that? This is a rare opportunity to indulge into a sexual fantasy with a stranger and under a veil of anonymity. USE IT. Carpe Diem the hell out of it. Use language that you would never use with a sweetheart of yours, ask questions and reveal your filthiest fantasies. You might think your secret desire to be the ultimate dominatrix is a little odd, or your cravings for anal sex a little too much but INDULGE in them all- because however weird you are- in the world of cyber sex, I promise that you will find weirder, wackier and grosser. The beautiful thing about cyber sex, is the confidence it can give you. The confidence to be yourself sexually in a way you can’t normally or to act in a roleplay and explore things that you never have before. Be bold.

2) Get what YOU want.

Cyber sex is not the ideal love scenario, ofcourse we would all rather the real deal. BUT- think about the things that cybersex offers you that real sex doesn’t. The opportunity to get what YOU and you alone want. You don’t need to pander to his ego. You don’t need to give him the foreplay that he wants. You don’t need to put in most/even half of the work if you don’t want to. Get what YOU want out of it, when it suits you and take the conversation in whatever direction YOU want!

3) Abrupt ending.

He wants you to pretend to be 12? He wants you to role play something anything that you don’t feel comfortable with? End it there. In the real world it can be tricky to leave a less than favourable situation. Infact, from my experience, ending a one night stand is always a little difficult. Have I left too early? Have I overstayed my welcome? We’ve just fucked, do I kiss him, hug him or do nothing when I leave?

In the cyber world these questions are no more. If he makes a request you don’t like, doesn’t please you quickly enough or is downright boring- you can end it immediately. Why would you put hours into pleasing this man unnecessarily? You will never meet him, he will never know who you are and you won’t get any earache from a quick exit. Perfect!

4) Google.

Do you know what “DP” stands for, what the “3 eyed turtle” is or what the “angry dragon” entails?! If not you can join the club of innocence to which I was a part. Cybersex will open your eyes to a whole new world. Trust me. So one of my best pieces of advice for all you newbies would be to have google at hand for any terms that you haven’t heard before (there will be many!!) Before you know it you will be talking about “Daisychains” and “The Menthol” with the best of them.

Happy Googling!

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5) DON’T mmmmm.

Cybersex is a conversation like any other. Nobody appreciates any one sided conversation where they are forced to put in all the work. Talking about sex is no different. So don’t wait around for the guy who is happy to hear all about you going down on him but isn’t very generous about the details concerning returning the favour (also, can you imagine how selfish he is in the real world?!?!?) Don’t put up with his constant “mmmm”s of approval. Boring. How is that supposed to get you off?! It doesn’t. Similarly don’t inflict this treatment on your sexing buddy. If you want them to stick around and give you the ultimate virtual affair then don’t “mmm” him. It’s annoying and half-arsed. And actually doesn’t mean anything….

6) Lie.

It’s not often that you will find yourself advised to lie. But this is the perfect chance. You’re operating in a fantasy world. So if you have always craved for a double D sized chest take the opportunity to have one. If asked what the dirtiest thing you’ve ever done is, don’t feel obliged to admit that it’s only been a quickie with your ex boyfriend of ten years before a dinner party. Make it up as you go along and have a blast as you do. Cybersex is all about having fun if you have to make up a few white lies in order to do so, then who cares? You’re already going to hell for your virtual promiscuity!

7) Cheat.

In the real world cheating is a big NO (and rightly so) but, online- indulge in sexual conversations with whoever you like! The more the merrier infact! I have had numerous virtual men on the go all at once. The guy who described giving me oral sex to perfection the guy who’s description of fucking me near enough made me multiple orgasm and the guy who dragged out foreplay to the point where I was so teased and tormented that I knew I was in for a night of online ecstasy. GO FOR IT. You owe these strangers nothing.

8) BE CAREFUL.

Maybe you’ve had more fantasy fucks with this guy than real shags in your life. BUT, and I mean but, exercise MASSIVE caution if hoping to transfer your online love affair into the real world. Remember the advice to lie that I gave you earlier (number 6)?! Well he’s probably a pro that one. Maybe he claimed he was 9 inches long when actually he boasts a 6 incher on a very good and excitable day? That’s the least of your worries. What if your man isn’t the 6 foot 14 stone buff guy he described but rather three inches shorter and a good ten stone heavier? What if he isn’t twenty nine and the doctor he claimed but rather is unemployed and twice the age he said? You might console yourself with the fact you’re in your mid twenties and no longer likely to be the victim of a paedophile but that doesn’t make you any less vulnerable. ALWAYS exercise caution.

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