Oops I did it again.

Ladies and gentlemen, the drought has finished. My longer than anticipated period of celibacy has come to an end. WOOHOO.

This sums up how I feel, 100%…

Except for one teeny tiny thing…the man who reawakened my sexual appetite, was… my ex. The ex who is still a little bit in love with me. ROOKIE ERROR.

Sex with an ex is easy business. It’s familiar. It doesn’t require the addition of another number to the people-I’ve-bedded list. I know what he likes. He knows what I like. It’s simple. (Emotions and nostalgia aside.)

Anyway, said ex boyfriend and I did end on relatively good terms. We didn’t speak much until more latterly; the passing of a few casual texts and that is about it. Then I had a free flat for the weekend and in a moment of absolute rarity and spontaneity we arranged, very late on Friday evening for him to drop in. WHY? I’m still trying to figure that out.

I laid down a few ground rules before he came.

  1. NO sex
  2. He’d be sleeping on the sofa
  3. No mention of things from the past.

With that, he came to see me. We also broke each and every one of the rules. DAMNIT. I even made sure that I had day old stubble on my legs to ensure I didn’t do the deed. But I went ahead anyway, afterall he was my ex and has seen it all before. Sex with the ex really is far too easy.

So, he stayed over on the Friday night with the promise that he would leave Saturday morning. Morning turned into afternoon, which then turned into the evening. Then he stayed over Saturday night again with the promise to leave on Sunday morning. Again, morning turned into afternoon, which then turned into the evening. But this time he really did have to go as he has work on Monday morning. So that was that. Basically we are both really crap at sticking to our word. This is why we didn’t work out the first time around…

All was fine- we had a laugh, we reminisced a little and the sex was better than I had remembered. Then we came to say goodbye and out of the bloody blue I burst into tears. Not the beautifully mysterious silent roll down the cheek type years. OH NO. The not so beautiful bawling my eyes out, snotty nose and blotchy face type wailing. I am so glamorous! HOW this happened? WHY this happened? I do not know. It startled me as much as it startled him.

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Now I’m confused. Yes I’ve found my libido once again but with it has come 1001 feelings that I had long buried. My ex is still muttering on about how he wants to be with me, marry me and raise children with me and I’m just…confused. DEFINITELY not ready for my happy ever after but at the same time wondering if there is something more between us. Do I miss him? Or do I miss the whole boyfriend thing? I’m perplexed.

Sex with an ex is bad news. It’s not something for the faint hearted or the uncertain. In the short term it might be the easy option but in the long term it’s the harder path to take. I suppose it’s fitting that I learn that the hard way…

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