The curse of the overly keen male…

The chase. Who doesn’t love it?!  Why are guys terrible at striking the balance between being a Disinterested Dave and a Keen Karl??

After much consideration and a consultation with my friends, we have concluded that Keen Karl’s are the worst. Unforgivable really.

There’s certain behaviour that really isn’t acceptable. Over a couple of cocktails my best friends and I compiled a list.

Here are some of the biggest crimes that the overly available man commits.

1) ALWAYS AVAILABLE. I’m talking about the point at which for some crazy reason we are still interested in our Keen Karls and try to arrange a date. When are you free? We enquire. They tell us; whenever or any time. NOT COOL boys, I mean we equally are as boring as you and spend five days a week catching up on crappy TV and hours stalking people we barely know on facebook but atleast we know to feign a social life…please just pretend that you have the occasional football match, drink with a friend or obligatory family meal!

2) PURSUING. We all want to be pursued a little. Name a girl who doesn’t like the attention. But sometimes too much, can be too much. I mean- if we like you back (even if playing hard to get) we will make it clear. Please don’t pursue us for days, weeks, months EVEN years- without a return of affection. FAR TOO KEEN. The ultimate put-off! 

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3) DOUBLE, TRIPLE, QUADRUPLE TEXTING. In 2013 every single person under the age of thirty checks their phone a good hundred times a day. No hour passes where the phone hasn’t be checked. So there is NO excuse for the double/triple/quadruple texts. If I want to reply, I will do. I might leave your text hanging for a couple of hours. But if I am interested, be assured that I will reply…eventually. Crazy Chris, a guy I indulged in a few text conversations with, committed this crime. “hey” would be his first text. How even do I reply to that? It would go ignored. An hour or so later I would get a “wuu2?”- I mean, can’t you write in proper English?! Again it would go ignored. Then I would get a “wb” text. No, Crazy Chris, I will not “write back” especially if you’re too lazy to ask me properly! Then there was Ridiculous Rob who was utterly unimaginative and when I failed to reply would simply re-send the text as if to recapture my attention. If I didn’t reply the first time, why would I a second, third or fourth?! Yes, Ridiculous Rob once reached the ridiculous re-send total of 4. Oh dear. Finally, I had Annoying Andy who had the infuriating habit of asking if my phone was broken, every time I forgot to reply. Do you honestly think that my phone happens to break every time I receive a text from you?…Exactly.

4) EXHAUSTING ALL FORMS OF COMMUNICATION. This is the crime when, after being ignored via text, your Persevering Pete goes a little psycho and messages you on whatsapp, sends you a facebook message and then writes on your wall for good measure, tweets you, snapchats you, comments on your photo on instagram, emails you and then messages you on LinkedIn. Well, maybe not quite but you get the gist.

Boys, just remember that nobody wants the simple life, everybody loves a challenge. You have to fight for anything that is worth having and if you’re putty in my hands…well then that is the biggest turn off.

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