Dear men: my 5 tips for a successful relationship…

1) NEVER and I mean never, let me sleep on an argument. I shan’t forget the issue at hand or sleep on it and decide that all is forgiven. NO. I will wake up angrier now that the my negative feelings towards you have had time to truly simmer and take hold. Resolve the issue before I sleep, otherwise I will be resolving to find myself a new man before you wake.


2) Don’t stop making me feel amazing. You think I look lovely today? Tell me. The meal I made last night was delicious? Great, show your appreciation. The honeymoon period is all about devouring one another. Sharing compliments with one another as often as you share saliva. He is forever telling you how great you are, forever staring at your body in awe- you can do no wrong. He is thanking his lucky stars that he got you. Then time takes its toll. You might be as gorgeous as ever, but he sees it day in and day out, he forgets to tell you. Deep down he knows he knows he is lucky to have you but he is so comfortable with you that he takes it for granted. NO. I vow to remind you of the things I love about you if you promise to do the same for me. One month down the line. One year down the line. One decade down the line.

3) Surprise me. The only thing worse than stale bread is a stale relationship. Always keep me on my toes by surprising me. (GOOD surprises I hasten to add, I’m not encouraging you to reveal a secret love child or to surprise me with an affair you’re having!) Whether it be a bunch of flowers for no reason, a weekend break to Italy or an untried sex position- KEEP THE SURPRISES COMING.


4) Don’t neglect the little touches. You might be incredible in so many ways and you may be king of the big gesture- but don’t forget the tiny details. You know I like my cucumber without its skin on? Remove it for me without my asking and you will make me as happy with this little touch as you did with this morning’s half an hour of oral sex! You’re out the shower before me, knowing that I am to follow? Hang my towel on the radiator so its hot for me when I get out and it will make me smile all morning. If you come home from doing the weekly shop with a packet of my favourite chocolate, even if it set you back only fifty pence, the fact you remembered and thought of me will make my heart melt. You get the gist. 

5) Listen. Listen as I ask you to put your clothes in the washing up basket. Listen as I tell you why so and so from work is pissing me off. Listen as I tell you how much you mean to me. LISTEN. In return I promise to do the same for you.

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