My tale of woe.

Mr oh so perfect.

He comes back to mine. He cooks me an incredible meal (tickle my tastebuds and you’re mine for life…I’m like a man- quickest way to my heart is through FOOD GLORIOUS FOOD.)

Have I mentioned his kissing is p-e-r-f-e-c-t. No teeth bashing. Oozing in sexiness. So varied. MMMMM.

We get into bed…I don’t think I have ever been this turned on. Ripping each other’s jeans off like hungry animals in the wild. He kisses me ferociously down the body. This man is sexy- SEX ON LEGS.

This moment is incredible. The sex was incredible. Mr well endowed. Mr knows how to use his tools. LUCKY GIRL. He gave just the right attention to all my important body parts and to my soft spots (neck and ears OH YES.) He was my walking, talking orgasm. He was giving me multiple orgasms. It was heaven. I had decided, confirmed and reconfirmed that sex is officially better than chocolate. I mentally vowed to marry this man between my legs.

As the sex became more tender…I had the chance to remove his t-shirt. The only obstacle to our complete shared nakedness.

I whipped it off. Ran my fingers through his chest hair. In the heat of a passionate moment I clenched on to his muscular biceps. LADIES it was delightful.

Reaching climax I pulled him as close to me as was physically possible. I grabbed onto his back when- …GAME OVER. The sexiness ends here. HIS BACK WAS HAIRY.

He had a hairy back.


I say this with utter disbelief….he knows how to work his stuff, he is a charming man….he knows how the woman’s mind works…SO WHY IS HIS BACK HAIRY!? Why did he forget to deal with this King Kong-esque area?

My dreams were shattered. My pornstar experience was tainted.

Moral of the story?!? I would rather have a silky smooth bar of Galaxy than incredible sex with the lead role in planet of the apes!

3 thoughts on “My tale of woe.

  1. I would say to make an exception if his back had a little bit of hair on it, but from what you’re writing it seems to be, like you said, planet of the apes! haha I’m sure the grab on the back really put a damper of that climax hahaha

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