I would love to meet the person who revolutionized coffee. The person who made coffee the superior drinking beverage. “Shall we go and grab a tea?” No. “Let’s discuss this over a lemonade…” No. “We should go for a Vimto and catch up!” No.
Coffee, always coffee. Someone explain this to me? It’s super cool, let’s face it. I’m twenty two, studying for a Masters at a Red Brick, Russell Group uni blah blah blah and yet (although I hate to admit it) I feel so GROWN-UP when I arrange to go for a coffee. I feel like a fully functioning adult, with juicy gossip (I have none… my life is spent watching marathon Breaking Bad sessions, Youtubing random stuff and FaceTiming all and sundry!) and complex business to discuss (again I have none, I’m utterly unemployed and extending my education for as long as my parents’ budget and patience allows!)
Yet here I am, playing this game of charades and arranging to go for coffee like every other pretentious wannabe grown up. My status is determined by the quirkiest coffee I order….soya milk? Some crazy flavored syrup? A wacky name to have written on my cup? YES PLEASE.
After ordering my hugely overpriced hot beverage, I then clutch my Starbucks cup for good measure to ensure that anyone and everyone can see that indeed I am cool, that I could be in the cast of Friends and enjoying a coffee at Central Perk and that I’m mature (and busy and important) enough to order a coffee- not a Diet Coke.
If I feel that my trophy coffee cup hasn’t been spotted by enough people, I rectify this with a seemingly casual selfie that I can plaster all over Instagram/Facebook/Twitter etc etc etc to ensure maximum coverage of this life milestone. SERIOUSLY WORLD, WHAT ARE WE DOING? We don’t Instagram our bottles of Lipton’s Iced Tea or snap a carton of milk. Who gave coffee this divine right?
I mean, do we even like coffee? TRULY like it? It’s such an acquired taste! I like it best in Frappuccino form, hidden amongst chocolate, disguised as a mocha, smothered in cream and drizzled with caramel sauce. Essentially, I want a desert.
It puzzles me, it always has…but there we have it. If anyone can enlighten me, I would love to know who granted coffee this superior status. Let me know on here, that or we could discuss it over an Irn Bru?!