My phone flashed. Yet another Facebook message from Mr Love Poems.
For the best part of a fortnight, my friend from university had taken to sending me some of his poetry. He was a bloody good writer, to be fair. I had once had a love of writing poetry, but I never was very good at it. By comparison this guy was a genius- with his elaborate vocabulary, his philosophical metaphors and beautiful word flow. His poetry oozed beauty. I was more than happy to be the recipient, providing feedback whenever I could.
Then he inboxed me:
“Look, I’m frustrated with playing around, I really really like you, you know those poems are about you, don’t you?”
Now I’m all for self depreciation in a sexy, modest type way, but I’m not lying when I say that this came as something of a shock. It hadn’t missed my attention that his poems were about love and some girl he was building the courage up to tell…I just hadn’t worked out that said girl, was me. (Mr Love Poems and I had sent essays and the like to one another before for proof reading and general advice, afterall.)
There we had it. I was stuck. I had read his message and thanks to some super sneaky function on Facebook, I knew he had been informed of this. I was sitting on a time bomb. I had to reply…and fast. This guy is someone I’ve been friends with for four years. My first uni friend, the guy who I sat up late with and told everything to. I knew he was straight but he was like my Gay Best Friend. I don’t like him in that way, I just don’t. I like him enough though not to mug him off with a “but you’re a really great guy, I don’t want to ruin our friendship” type response. (See my thoughts on this here:https://femaleramblings.wordpress.com/2014/01/21/the-myth-of-the-friendzone/) I equally didn’t want to claim that “it’s not you, it’s me.” Instead I went for honesty. Honesty is the best policy…or so they say. I obviously wasn’t brutally honest but I went with:
“I am honestly shocked, I don’t know what to say.”
I realised this wouldn’t do as my final comment on the topic, ofcourse…but atleast it might buy me some time. Time wasn’t to be my issue. He “read” it- I suppose the Facebook function is fair- and then logged off.
Clearly not the response he was after. I AM STUCK. What the hell do I do? This kind of stuff never happens to me. The issue has to be addressed again, I know that, but I don’t know how. This isn’t the guy I want my happily ever after with. I equally, don’t want him out of my life…he’s been a huge part of my uni experience and he is such a great great friend.
Calling all men and women: HELP?!?!?!?