Non, je ne regrette rien.

Edith Piaf got it spot on. 

Now, it’s much easier said than done to declare that you live with no regrets. I can’t hand-on-heart say its completely and utterly true…I do regret getting desert after dinner last night, I do regret drunk dialing my ex-boyfriend last Friday and I do regret emptying my bank account in Topshop over the weekend.  However, when it comes to sex, I’m standing hand-in-hand and singing with Edith Piaf at the top of my lungs.

“What were you thinking?!! Seriously, he is gross. You can do SOOOOO much better and I’m not even saying that in an I’m-your-best-friend-and-think-the-sun-shines-out-of-your-arse type way. I’m saying it as a functional human being with two eyes.”

She may be right, he wasn’t a looker…he didn’t have a queue of girls behind him desperate for a look in. Do I regret sleeping with said man though? No. He made me laugh and well….that sealed the deal I guess.

Maybe he has been around the block? Perhaps it was a rebound? Or maybe he is just someone I shouldn’t have slept with; too old, a friend, a boss…etc etc There are 101 reasons why it maybe wasn’t a GREAT idea with hindsight. The fact it wasn’t a great idea doesn’t make it a bad one though.

Here are my 5 reasons for NOT regretting anybody that I have bedded;

1) EXPERIENCE.

With every different penis, every different technique and every different request…I have gained sexual experience. How could that ever be something to regret? I’m better in the sack today than I was a year ago…and certainly on the night I lost my virginity.  I will have perfected the deed by the time I come to choose my number one and settle down. He won’t regret my experience, so why the hell should I? Non, je ne regrette rien. 

2) KISSING MY FROGS

How do you know what the hell you do and don’t like, if you don’t try before you buy? Simple answer: you don’t. Even Disney tells us this for Christ’s sake- you’ve got to kiss your frogs before you find your prince. Bedding multiple people- is me doing just that. Problem? Non, je ne regrette rien. 

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3) IT WAS RIGHT AT THE TIME.

Rightly or wrongly, having sex with a, b or c…was right for me at that time. Maybe I needed a pick me up? Perhaps I was a little under the influence? Or I wanted to try something a little different…an older guy, a foreign guy, somebody who wasn’t my type? Whatever the reason I wanted to and, even if I don’t now, the fact that I once did, is enough for me. Non, je ne regrette rien. 

4) SEX IS NORMAL/HEALTHY.

You’re gagging for it? So what? That’s not a crime (no matter what the media, your father or some judgmental friend says.) Sex is a NORMAL part of life….the desire to be so incredibly intimate with another person is HEALTHY. Why regret something that we are built to do? Why regret a basic human instinct?! Sex is a healthy part of life, regret isn’t. Non, je ne regrette rien. 

5) “IF ONLY…MUST BE THE TWO SADDEST WORDS.”

Don’t let them be YOURS. If you have to regret, then atleast regret the things you have done and not the things you haven’t. Who wants to beat themselves up for not getting more experience before they settle down and marry? Who wants to regret turning down the advances of quite possibly the hottest man alive? Who wants to wish that they had made the most of their youth and made foolish mistakes? Not me. Non, je ne regrette rien. 

(NB: I am not advocating doing anything against your wishes, caving in to peer pressure or being unsafe…) 

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