If you want to save yourself a couple of minutes, I’ll tell you the conclusion of this blog post: I’m an ungrateful bitch.
Throw a couple of wines down me and I will be the first person to moan about my inability to find a suitable man. Infact, the wines aren’t even needed. I’m forever complaining that guys are dicks (many of you are) and that nobody fancies me due to my incredibly pointy chin, my concealed by foundation crater skin and my larger than desired thighs (that NO diet/fitness regime will budge!!!)
So, as my bi-annual cold sets in, it’s safe to say that I’m not feeling my sexiest. If I don’t have a tatty Kleenex clamped to my little red nose then I have one of those Olbas nasal inhalers thrust up one of my nostrils. SEXAAAAAAY.
I am also having a spot break out to rival a thirteen year old girl’s. I literally have a mountain just below my lip. It’s atrocious. It’s the kind of spot that catches the eye of anyone and everyone that I talk to. Yummy, right?
So, as I’m enjoying this repulsive phase of my life and hating the fact that NOW we get sunshine, when I wish I could lead a discreet life in the darkness…I have resigned myself and reluctantly accepted that my love life shall not be improving any time soon. Gentleman, I do not blame you.
Then, out of nowhere, despite all of these FLAWS, one kind (very possibly visually impaired) man tells me that he wants me. WANTS ME SEXUALLY. Somebody wants- through choice- to get up close and personal with a girl whose nose cannot stop running, with a girl whose left side of her face is dominated by a spot that has BALLOONED.
I know, I know, he should be THE ONE.
This gentleman sees passed my every flaw and still wants me. He wants to have sex with me and he wants to be with me. Do I (the girl seeking love so desperately) jump at a chance with this wonderfully accepting man? Do I see passed his minor flaws- a slightly wonky nose and quite off putting laugh? No. No, I don’t.
I’m a bitch, aren’t I?!
Oddly, the fact he is still keen and eager puts me off. If he was my boyfriend, he’d have to overcome my spotty and snotty days. This guy, has no obligation to. He must be mad not to have run a mile….or atleast to wait until I come out of this disgusting period of my life- but he hasn’t. Therefore he must be: 1) insane and nobody wants to date a psycho. 2) not able to do better and everyone wants to date a catch. 3) blind and I want him to appreciate the (VERY rare) pretty days that I have!
3 nice justifications to avoid the conclusion that I’m an ungrateful bitch? Nah, I didn’t even really convince myself there…