With him sex is like a 5 part formula:
- Intense snogging. (This is how I know he is ready to do the deed!) 5 minutes
- Wandering hands down and over my body to undress me. (Functional) 3 minutes
- He climbs on top (Always on top) 30 seconds
- He pumps and thrusts. (Occasionally lifts my legs. He might sit upright or lie against me) 12 minutes
- I might orgasm (probably do 1/3 times, fake every other time) he then finishes. 1 minute 30 seconds
That, ladies and gentlemen, is our sex life. Formulaic, obvious and BORING.
No real attempt at foreplay, barely varied and we very seldom spice it up with another position or even oral sex. BORE.
I knew the situation wasn’t great but it was worsened the day I met the French girl and the Spanish girl. I’d never met them before but four bottles of wine later (have I mentioned I am a lightweight?!?!) and we were discussing sex like we had known one another for years.
On telling them about how DULL my sex life is, their jaws dropped.
“It’s BRITISH men, I swear.” Said the French girl abruptly and the Spanish girl agreed.
They then re-told their movie worthy sexual experiences with French men, Spanish men, Greek men, Italian men, Swedish men and English men. From the sample test of sexual partners that they had shared between them, it was obvious that English men came last. NO serenading. NO foreplay. An INABILITY to truly hold a woman or to look at the female body with the awe that these other men do it.
“British women can be so easy…it’s the nature of one night stands and quickies that make your Brit guys just want to get the sex over and done with until they’ve cum.” Stated the Spanish girl.
Then I thought about all the men I’ve been with (all British) maybe she had a point? I’ve never been serenaded, past boyfriends have been more adventurous and more experimental than the current guy, but they’ve never really taken their time. They’ve never spent hours going down on me or caressing my body until they’ve started the act.
Perhaps I’m just looking for exciting sex in all the wrong places??? Namely, in the wrong country! What are your experiences?