Besties before testes: R.I.P to the friends I’ve lost on the love battlefield.

It was my friend’s 16th birthday. One of my girlfriends got some horrible family news via text whilst at this party. I hugged her, reassured her, did my very best to comfort her. It wasn’t enough, she wanted her best friend. Her best friend was a girl called Abi who was at the same party but who had her arms flung round the guy she was currently “seeing.” Abi was taking every spare moment she had to shove her tongue down the throat of this spotty faced boy. Their bodies flung together awkwardly on the dance floor.

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I watched as my friend who had had the bad news approached Abi. “Can I have a word?” She asked. Abi looked at her best friend of eight years and then at her new spotty faced “boyfriend” of 8 days. “Erm. Can’t it wait?” Abi asked. My sad friend nodded and walked away. It later transpired that Abi had proceeded to give this guy her first blowjob behind a bush in the beer garden. Classy gal. She should have been in the toilets with me and her supposed best friend: crying, re-applying make up and smuggling bottles of alcopops that we weren’t allowed to drink. But she wasn’t.

Abi was the first casualty on the love battlefield.

Except, she could be forgiven- because we were afterall, sixteen. This was her first boy, her first kiss, her first blowjob and ultimately became the first guy she shagged. Her friendship with my other friend endured and needless to say her relationship with acne boy, did not. She should have been a better friend at that party, but do I blame her? No. She was finding herself, making mistakes, being sixteen. It’s what we all do.

Fast forward six years…

Now we are twenty two years old. Meet Sarah, a really good friend of mine. She’s an absolute sweetie and has been one of my closest for about 5 years. We are a group of four from the good old school days and frequently send one another any dick pics we get from unsuspecting boys via a group whatsapp. We screenshot any awkward or interesting Tinder encounters and share with the group. Out of the blue one day, Sarah messages the little Whatsapp group: “Guys, I don’t think this is funny any more, it’s kinda disrespectful to guys. We wouldn’t want to find a girls equivalent on a guy’s phone.” Awkward.

I’m not saying she didn’t have a point, but it was odd. She was one of the greatest offenders of the four of us. It was unexpected. An hour or so later, Facebook updated the world that Sarah has a new fella. IT ALL MADE SENSE. Gained a man, lost her sense of humour. Then Sarah committed some horrendous anti- girl code crimes.

She bailed on a girls holiday scheduled for this summer that we had paid our deposits for to go on a holiday with the new boyfriend…boyfriend of four months. She flaked on a friend’s birthday night out feigning illness and then stupidly updated her Instagram with “#datenight” photos. She hasn’t been out with us for ageeeees instead preferring “a quiet night in with the boy.” Thats acceptable now and again but EVERY weekend? Not cool. The ONE time Sarah did make it out- she missed pre drinks as she got ready at his (breaking all our girls night out traditions) and at the last minute cabbed it back to his at the end of the night rather than joining the post-night out sleepover.

Sarah, we have lost you.

At first, we wanted you back, we would send text after text after text to persuade you to come out with us. We tried to reschedule the girls holiday. You weren’t having any of it. You’re a crappy friend and I’m not sure that I want you back now. We are twenty two- you can’t blame this horrendous girl treatment on inexperience, first love or a one-off mistake. This is a conscious decision you have made again and again BOYFRIEND OVER GIRLFRIENDS.

Another loss on the love battlefield.

Where does it end? A mother-daughter late night chat with my mum concluded that it doesn’t. One of her oldest friends (with so many other redeeming qualities- thankfully!) has been ditching my mum left, right and centre, since the age of 19. My mum and her friend are now nearing their 60s! Still unmarried my mum sees dinner plans fall through, random lunches go forgotten and weeks pass without contact as her friend entertains some new undoubtedly shortlived romance.

These women of the world give the rest of us a bad name. You make us seem desperate for guys, for love, for romance. We have all experienced the honeymoon days when we can’t get enough of our new partners- that’s normal, exciting and fun. But as days, weeks, months pass…no girl should be losing sight of her friends. You can’t expect these ladies to be waiting around for a night of cocktails, an evening of cheesy films and ice cream and all the gossip- when and IF- the relationship ends. That isn’t how it works.

Come on girls. Let’s stick together- remember who held your hair back the first time you threw up on a hangover? Remember who bought all your favourite sweets, movies and magazines around that time you broke up with an ex? Remember who was there for you that time you drunkenly- very maybe, but not certainly- lost your virginity? Remember who rang you up that Saturday night and spent the whole evening on the phone to you just because you were grounded and couldn’t go out yourself? THAT WAS ME, THAT IS ME AND ALWAYS WILL BE ME- if you don’t cast me aside when your love life picks up.

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3 thoughts on “Besties before testes: R.I.P to the friends I’ve lost on the love battlefield.

  1. That’s such a shame. I have a college friend who did something similar. We both went to university together while her high school sweetheart went to a community college. The second he transferred to university, it was over. He couldn’t do any wrong and he always came first. I get prioritizing your relationship, but no person is perfect. I got tired of being suspect to various things I didn’t do and not seeing her boyfriend, who had the same potential to do these things, go on without suspicion. The end of the rope was when she started blaming my boyfriend for shit and not listening to him when he said he didn’t do anything. I was just done with her. Obviously I wasn’t a priority to her.

    • That’s such an annoying situation! Good for you though. I agree nobody is perfect and you expect to see a friend when they’re in a new relationship but that’s never an excuse for them to treat you badly! Xx

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