The big SEX and the “C” word

Is it me or is everyone at it?!? When I say everyone, I mean everyone.

It’s only occurring to me now, because I haven’t been getting any. (In fact, it’s been far too long for a twenty one year old girl to own up to.) I am getting cravings to rival a man’s!

Now, before you read on I am not saying that I am passed it and over sex but…I think I’ve grown up a little. Let me explain….

Sunday September 8th. Post hangover lunch with some of my closest friends. Aside from discussing the night before, our delicate stomachs and sleep deprivation, the topic of conversation turned to sex. Oh Goody!

One of my friends started to rant about how she had started sleeping with her ex again.

“It’s messing with my head- I thought that I could do casual but it’s not so easy with an ex of three years! Although, you wouldn’t believe how much more we’re having and how much better it is post break-up!”

Then, like vultures we all jumped on this piece of information, offering any words of wisdom we had at hand.

My second friend then began her confessions.

“Okay, so it’s been three weeks…and four guys. That is bad isn’t it?!”

Emphatically we told her no. She had just broken up with her cheating scumbag of a boyfriend and was most certainly on the rebound.

My third friend spoke up next. She had been a virgin for the longest of us all and since (fairly recently) losing it had gone erm….a little wild.

“Anything is hard, when it’s different- people don’t like change.”

She said sympathetically to my other two friends.

“I mean, I am not the same person I was a year ago. I never would have imagined that I would be having so much casual sex but I love it, it’s liberating!”

She grinned.

The three of them turned expectantly to me. Then, it hit me. I had very little nothing to contribute myself.

“Err, I haven’t had sex, for faaaar too long.”

I told them. I then faced an interrogation as to how long I was talking and why I had taken this sudden oath of chastity.

“A couple of months”

I said sheepishly. I lied.

What has happened to me? Am I still interested in finding someone? Yes. Do I enjoy dating? Yes. Do I like having sex? Yes.

Where was it all going wrong?

That brings me to the “C” word. I apologise if you feel that I have betrayed you as the only reason you’re reading this post is to enter a discussion about dirty talking or to hear me utter what has been coined as “the worst swear word.” But I am not going to. I’m talking about another “C”word. Casual. I don’t do casual anymore.

Can we just keep our jeans/tights on and cuddle?

I do not claim chastity and high principles all of a sudden and by no means do I judge my friends who indulge in casual sex but…I’m over it.

I’ve had a couple of one night stands- in fact, I lost my virginity during one- and now, (quite happily) my one night stand career is over.

I just don’t get it. To me, one night stands are a series of awkward moments strung back to back with one another. WHY DO WE PUT OURSELVES THROUGH THIS?

1) Where is the joy in investing time into a guy, going back to his, sacrificing precious sleep only for him to remove his boxers and for you to discover that your thumb has more to offer? In a relationship- you know what’s coming.

2) Where is the joy in awkwardly- and I mean awkwardly– having to deal with his less than enthused man friend? One night stands happen drunkenly after nights out (unless you are an absolute pro) and we all know what booze does to ye olde male performance. In a relationship- you have all different sorts of sex but, it’s mostly sober and with all the bits and pieces working and fitting. Not to mention that if when it does go wrong, in a relationship it’s much easier to laugh it off.

3) Where is the joy in hoping that what you are doing is working for him? With a one night stand you do not know his likes and dislikes or his soft spots so when you hear his moans you have to cross your fingers and toes that they are exclamations of pleasure and not pain or a “hurry up, I’m bored,” type noise. In a relationship- you know what does it for him.

4) Where is the joy, in quite frankly, having bad sex? He doesn’t know that you really love being touched in a certain place or that you hate the use of certain supposedly dirty words. You toy with giving him a lesson and an A-Z map of your body but figure that it will be a mood kill. By the end of the “sex” you wish you had. In a relationship- he knows what does it for you.

5) Where is the joy in waking up the following morning next to a guy that you could have sworn looked slightly different? Then proceeding to have a whole morning of endless awkwardness. Do we have morning sex? Does your breath really smell this bad, every morning? Do I shower? How long do I stay without leaving abruptly or over staying my welcome? How do we say goodbye- with words, a hug, a kiss? In a relationship- none of the above awkwardness applies.

6) Where is the joy in then spending the following days terrified of pregnancy until Mother Nature decides to make an appearance next month? Panicking that maybe you didn’t use a condom in the heat of the moment whilst in a drunken stupor. Praying that if you didn’t that a) you’re not pregnant and b) you haven’t caught an STD. Clinging onto the one hope that given the performance that you had to endure, it could easily have been his first time. In a relationship- you know the drill. You’re either happily trying for a baby, you know that neither of you are having casual sex with other people or you have a very reliable form of contraception on the go.

With all this in mind- I really don’t get it. What’s so great about casual sex? I can think of a load of “C” words that I would rather have- chocolate. coronation street and celibacy- if it’s the price I have to pay!

Chocolate: it’s like sex that you don’t have to shave your legs for.